nine year old with odd need help

[friendlyfu]

my child has been in consoling for years.hasn,t helped. when disaplined he starts screaming,swearing,sometimes hits,threatens to run away or kill himself or others.hes been evalated,been to crisis once.i,ve been told to have the ambulane take him to the hosiptal when he threatens to hurt himself or others. :confused: to what i should do.i,m scared about the hosiptal.does anyone know what they do.my husband isnt much help.i feel he should help and understand more because he has mental issues.

[AutMom]

Has he been on any medications or supplements?

Could he be in any physical pain?

If your husband has mental issues himself, I think that may make it difficult for him to be helpful due to the stress involved.

[friendlyfu]

no he doest take any meds.i dont see any physical pain he does complain of a headache sometimes after his out bursts. yes my husband cant handle stressful moments.the conselor feels my son don't need any meds.

[Julie]

[QUOTE=friendlyfu]no he doest take any meds.i dont see any physical pain he does complain of a headache sometimes after his out bursts. yes my husband cant handle stressful moments.the conselor feels my son don't need any meds.[/QUOTE]

Having felt like this myself for years and having threatened the same things myself when I was a kid, perhaps it is a low frustration tolerance and low self esteem. It's no picnic being autistic and it's probably pretty bad for him. What's worse is thaat is painfully aware of his autism and how inadequate he feels.

Does he go to regular school? Do the kids or teachers pick on him? (Do you even know if they are?) What sort of messages has he been given in his life? This may seem strange, but does he often get told he can't do this or that? Do people talk about him in front of him like he's not there?

Some autistic people, myself included, are very sensitive to what people say about them or insinuate to them. They may misinterpret was is being said or done to them as an affront and down goes the self esteem.

Seems to me that he's feeling worthless and has had enough of it.

What sort of support or encouragement does he get from those around him? Hospital visits where he probably gets restrained or worse is not helpful, but I understand the necessity. However, it will drive him further into frustration.

If he's having headaches after outbursts, there may be something underlying that is bothering him. I sed to get like this in junior high. I was a very stressed out kid for a number of reasons. I still have points where I feel like this, but I've learned not to broadcast it because then people think I'm weird and my credibility goes down the drain.

Counsellors don't know much about what it's like to be autistic and it's hard for autistic people (even verbal ones) to say exactly what the problem is. I usually take an hour of blabbering before I finally say what it is I'm feeling. Your counsellor may not fully understand his perspective and through his innocent misinterpretation may be making things worse for him. He may not be getting enough time or encouragement to explain himself.

Counsellors are usually trained to deal with NT feelings of inadequacy, but I can tell you thaat autistic feelings of inadequacy are far greater and a different kettle of fish altogether!

I really feel for this situation having been there too many times myself. I sure hope he finds something that will help him feel better about himself. It took a little ego stroking for me and activities where I could prove my achievements. I'm also strong willed, so as I grew older, I found that I wanted to prove everyone wrong with their misconceptions. This drove me to succeed and I spend each day of my life trying to improve myself so I can feel better and prove the experts wrong yet again1

Perhaps as he grows older with the right messages ("You can do anything if you put your mind to it!" "Don't let autism hold you back...do what you want to do and we'll help you achieve it!") and with the right encouragement to pursue HIS interests healthily, he'll begin to channel that strong will and anger of his into achievement.

I actually see this as a good sign...he's at a point where there is opportunity to really help him succeed because he really has the will to do it! He just has to learn to turn that will from hurting himself and others to doing good for himself and pushing himself (in a healthy way) to do great things in his life.

I'm probably not much help here, but this is my own experience and opinion.

Good luck and let him know I really think he's going to go far with that will of his!

Julie

[friendlyfu]

thank you so much for your reply.my son has oppositional defiant disorder.he loses temper easy,argues with us,refuses to comply with our requests or rules,annoys people on purpose,blames others,lies,can be spiteful.he threatens to hurt himself or sister.he does sometimes scratch himself when being disaplined.he was evaled by a psychological and neuropsychological.he said he had dysthymic disorder,and some concern of attention deficit,generalized anxiety,and posttraumatic stress disorder.
my son does go to public school he does good there gets good grades very smart,he has alot of friends,he does boyscouts,basketball and now does yu guio card tournaments.he is a great kid when he isnt being disaplined.he does church activties during the winter.he has alot of goals.wants to be a firefighter,cop or rap singer.
it just scares and upsets me when he has his outburst.hes my life and he knows it.

[Julie]

[QUOTE=friendlyfu]thank you so much for your reply.my son has oppositional defiant disorder.he loses temper easy,argues with us,refuses to comply with our requests or rules,annoys people on purpose,blames others,lies,can be spiteful.he threatens to hurt himself or sister.he does sometimes scratch himself when being disaplined.he was evaled by a psychological and neuropsychological.he said he had dysthymic disorder,and some concern of attention deficit,generalized anxiety,and posttraumatic stress disorder.
my son does go to public school he does good there gets good grades very smart,he has alot of friends,he does boyscouts,basketball and now does yu guio card tournaments.he is a great kid when he isnt being disaplined.he does church activties during the winter.he has alot of goals.wants to be a firefighter,cop or rap singer.
it just scares and upsets me when he has his outburst.hes my life and he knows it.[/QUOTE]

My fiance has ADD and he was exactly like this when he was a child. He's on Celexa now and that seems to work well. He's always bright and cheerful...almost to the point where it makes me think he's abnormal and cannot feel any other emotion.

Anyway, he says the Celexa works well. I'm not for antidepressants myself, but it seems to have a good effect on folks with ADD who have problems with negative emotions and such. According to Ron, it helps his mind slow down to a normal pace, so he can concentrate and not feel frustrated.

Ron said that the way his mind always was (In a state of chaos and turmoil), always made him feel frustrated and negative...it got out of control when he was a teenager. Unfortunately, he did not start taking Celexa until about 3 years ago. He's been fine since.

It may be something to look into.

Julie

[friendlyfu]

thank you.yes i am myself against meds inless needed.im gonna talk to his doctor and try to set up an anger mangerment.

[j9jess]

[QUOTE=friendlyfu]my child has been in consoling for years.hasn,t helped. when disaplined he starts screaming,swearing,sometimes hits,threatens to run away or kill himself or others.hes been evalated,been to crisis once.i,ve been told to have the ambulane take him to the hosiptal when he threatens to hurt himself or others. :confused: to what i should do.i,m scared about the hosiptal.does anyone know what they do.my husband isnt much help.i feel he should help and understand more because he has mental issues.[/QUOTE]
Hi i read your note and my heart goes out for you. What is your sons diagnosis? My 10yr old son is Autistic and at least every day he has a meltdown but with constant work he can overcome them quicker. Do you have a home therapist to work with him on behavioral issues, because this is usually where the problem stems. Occupational therapist are a very good source because your son could be experiencing sensory issues which cause outburst and out of control behavior. Counseling is always good but adding another therapist would help!! I will keep you in my prayes for strength from
GOD and knowlege to know exactly what you need to do. I will pray for his guidence while you walk thru every step of the way. Trust in the Lord and he will never leave you.