need advice

[lilg1985]

hi my names gaynor and i have a 14 year old brother with aspergers which is a form of autism. he has been like this for a few years and has still not been officially diagnosed. at the moment he is living with 3 sisters and our mum and stepdad who is also very ill. they all live in a 3 bed house. basically i am new to this and would like to find some way of calming my brother down when things get too hard for him, and to be able to communicate with him. i really feel like i cant connect with him and when he acts out it normally ends up with the police involved. i feel that i am the only one who really understands what he needs but noone listens to me. my brother doesnt come to me for help and he doesnt talk to me even if a talk to him first. all of this started when i left home and i feel guilty because i wasnt there to help him due to a big argument with the family. i really dont think that my family are dealing with it in the right way and that my brother will end up getting taken away either to a home or prison. if anyone can offer me some advice please i am desperate enough to listen. i have to do something. dont i?

[lucysmom]

God, I'm so sorry to hear what is happening with your family. The best (the only) advice I can give you is try to get some help where you are. You both need advocates and the more advocates the better.

A person who is living within the spectrum, like your brother, has a unique way of viewing /experiencing the world, you know this. You need to find out what is out there - in terms of therapies, ways to support both of you and ways to deal with the issues that arise.

You are absolutely doing the right thing - it's natural, he's your brother, and he needs you. Don't feel guilty, I'm sure you did what you had to do when you left but your character is evident.

Look into deep pressure, Reiki, RDI and think in terms of meeting your brother where he is and moving from there. You've both been through a rough go, but you can get to the next place.

I'll be rooting for you both.

[lancerlauren]

hi, i understand how you feel first of all my brother also has asbergers has had it since he was 2 and he is now 10. the most important thing that you could do for him is be calm and relaxing with him. although it is very hard to be calm sometimes and all you want to do is yell and scream at them it will only make it worse. also if he begins to become even more out of character then normal sometimes the best thing you can do is leave him alone and let him get his frustration out. although it is really hard its really the best thing. and when he is having good days, make sure he knows it. give him praise for good behavior it will make him feel good and thus, less likely to act out right then. so if there is anyhting at all i can do for you please let me know! i really do understand what you are feelig.

[mrmccollough]

i agree staying calm and keeping your anger to yourself is the best option, shouting at him will only make him agrier, i have an 11yrold brother with aspergers... i know its hard, but we just have to live with it