Please Help!!! Desperate!

[adstchs]

Can anyone help? What are some ways to discipline an autistic 7 yr old boy?
Time outs, loss of privelages, logical consequences do not work. We are new at this. Our 2 girls do not have autism/asperger's and we cannot seem to find a way to discipline him effectively. His siblings are starting to resent him!
HELP!!!! :(

[lucysmom]

What works in terms of discipline varies so widely. It depends, of course, on the individual. And what works "in theory" does not necessarily translate into the sometimes complicated, chaotic and comical life most of us live. Trial and error is all I can say.

I've pointed out the obvious, but as a parent, I feel your pain.

Have you tried revisiting what has worked in the past? Do you have the support of family, friends and school?

I think that children with Autism may need some additional supports but are as capaple as their "normal" peers of learning reasonable limits.

Good Luck.

[Carrie]

It deffinitly takes some creative thinking. And usually when you institute discipline at first the results are horrifyingly worse behaviors than you were seeing in the first place but I think if you stick with a plan then it eventually sinks in. Time outs have worked for me to an extent but they are very different time outs than what you would expect - he is taken to his room and i have to sit there with him to keep him there until he calms down. If your son reads, I've found writting things down helps. Written rules, written consequences. Each time a rule is broken, you go over it with him. If its not a rule issue, write what he did wrong and let him read it. Social stories help too.
Loss of privledges can sometimes be hard because you end up setting yourself up for even more trouble since changes in routine or bordom can really set one of these kids off!

[melsmommy]

[QUOTE=adstchs]Can anyone help? What are some ways to discipline an autistic 7 yr old boy?
Time outs, loss of privelages, logical consequences do not work. We are new at this. Our 2 girls do not have autism/asperger's and we cannot seem to find a way to discipline him effectively. His siblings are starting to resent him!
HELP!!!! :([/QUOTE]


We're working through discipline issues right now, with the help of our regional Office for Citizens with Developmental Disabilities (we were on the waiting list for nearly two years!). The Community Support Team works with us on developing appropriate behavior strategies both at home and in school. What we've learned has been helpful:

1. Identify what triggers behaviors. This can be as simple as keeping an ABC chart of what was happening IMMEDIATELY PRIOR to the behavior (the A, or antecedent), what the BEHAVIOR was and how long it lasted (the B), and the natural consequence for the child (the C, or what did he/she get from acting out: attention, avoidance of a non-preferred task, a preferred item, etc.) It also helps to note what you did, and be honest. If you yelled, then write down that you yelled! Also write down what seemed to help and how long the behavior episode lasted.

2. Target only ONE behavior at a time to address. Trying to fix it all in one fell swoop is a setup for failure, for you and for your child.

3. Develop a reward assessment for your child. What does he/she enjoy the most? You need to find the biggest and best carrot for your child, and then make that the reward for positive behavior.

4. For every remark you make regarding negative behavior, make three positive ones. For example: You did a great job brushing your teeth! Your teeth look wonderful! You didn't come right away when it was time to brush your teeth (the targeted behavior). You did a great job putting your brush away by yourself! Keep your tone positive.

5. Praise your child when he's behaving, too! Catch him displaying good behavior and really lay on the positive praise. Don't only scold when you see him doing something bad, especially if he's doing it only to get your attention. Reinforce the behavior you want to see, not the negative behavior you want to eliminate.

6. When you start addressing a behavior, expect it to escalate before it declines. It will always get worse before it gets better. They call this "extinguishing" behavior. Almost like needing to get out that last burst before giving in!

7. Set your child up for success by picking one small task that is well within his limits, and then reward him each time he performs the task. Then, add another task that is just a little bit more difficult, and reward attempts as well as successes.

8. Sometimes it helps to give yourself a time-out. I do. When things are escalating with my daughter, I will take a short break if I can. Just stepping back from the situation and giving myself time to "cool down" can really help. You can teach your girls to do this, too.

9. Choose your battles wisely, and be realistic in what you want to accomplish. Improved behavior, not perfect behavior, should be the goal.

10. I've found a lot of great resources on behavior from Jessica Kingsley Publishers. They're in the UK, but they ship to the US. You can google them to find the website.

Oh, and I forgot to say that you should involve your girls as much as possible in the process. Children are much more observant than we often give them credit for, and they may be able to help with identifying behavior triggers and suggesting rewards. For autistic children, rewarding good/desirable behaviors is more effective than punishing negative ones. Don't be afraid to use time-out, though, even if you have to put yourself in time-out with your child. And always give your child a chance to earn back a lost privilege. All or nothing scenarios don't work, and will only discourage your child from trying to improve. So, if he loses a favorite toy because he hit someone, and he refrains from hitting anyone for the next hour or two, then allow him to have the toy back, explaining that he only earned back the toy because he didn't hit, and praising him for his improved behavior. Good luck!

[Carrie]

Melsmommy, you caught the one thing the rest of us missed - sometimes we assume all the parents on this board already know all about ABC's and the behavioral intervention routines. Great job breaking it all down and you added some good tips too.

[helpme123]

[QUOTE=adstchs]Can anyone help? What are some ways to discipline an autistic 7 yr old boy?
Time outs, loss of privelages, logical consequences do not work. We are new at this. Our 2 girls do not have autism/asperger's and we cannot seem to find a way to discipline him effectively. His siblings are starting to resent him!
HELP!!!! :([/QUOTE]
I have a 9year old brother with aspergers and punishment isn't such a big deal any more. here are something we have done over the years. These might not work for you, but keep trying to find other solutions and never lose hope. We do a few things with my brother. We give him lots of "yays" and "good jobs" and other ways to praise. He has to know what the RIGHT thing to do is. For actual punishment, we usualy ground him. DEpending on the action, grounding times might go from a day to a month. Another thing that we did is offer deals to him to be good. Something we used to do is say that if he is good all week, we would go to the dollar store Friday. Luckily, my family doesn't need to do things like that very often. WE usualy never do it anymore. Although, when we need to, me might slip it in. I know your son is in a worse situation than my brother is, but if any of the solutions sound nice, think them over and then give it a try. (BTW, now if he asks, "What do I get?" after he does something good, my mom just answers, "A hug and s kiss.") Please know that you aren't alone in the struggle with autism. God Bless. :)
Helpme123