need help with everything - 4yr old just diagnosed with Autism

[crussell]

We are having problems with finding a form of discipline that works, so far with everything we've tried, he doesn't seem to understand why he is being disciplined. He also refuses to poop in the toilet, and I really have run out of ideas to help him.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks

[J'smom]

[QUOTE=crussell]We are having problems with finding a form of discipline that works, so far with everything we've tried, he doesn't seem to understand why he is being disciplined. He also refuses to poop in the toilet, and I really have run out of ideas to help him.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks[/QUOTE]


I remember being in your exact position when my son was diagnosed almost five years ago. He was 3 and 1/2 at the time. In finding a discipline that works, for us, consistency seemed to make the biggest difference along with being patient. It will take a little longer for him to make the connection. We also had the problem of him not pooping in the toilet. He now goes to the bathroom fine. If your son is in preschool, that also may help as being in an environment with other children who have to learn to use the bathroom and learn "bathroom rules" seemed to help in getting him to finally begin using the bathroom for bowel movements.

I know it's hard, but try not to get too exasperated with him. If you do, then that's what he will key into and you'll still be trying to get him to learn to use the bathroom properly. We just kept at it, reminding him that he was supposed to use the bathroom for poop as we cleaned him up in the bathroom. It took about two months before we didn't have that problem anymore.

Good Luck

[Justamom]

[QUOTE=crussell]We are having problems with finding a form of discipline that works, so far with everything we've tried, he doesn't seem to understand why he is being disciplined. He also refuses to poop in the toilet, and I really have run out of ideas to help him.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks[/QUOTE]

In my experience, traditional discipline simply doesn't work with my child. Is your son afraid of something in the bathroom? Monster in the toilet? ;) Afraid he'll get flushed? :confused: Look at the whole experience objectively. Where is he comfortable going poop? Why there and not the bathroom? My son is so frightened by the sound of some bathroom exhaust fans, he refuses to go in. He also is set off by the smell of peppermint. If mouthwash, or toothpaste is out where he can see it he'll hestitate to go in a bathroom. In our case most of it is sensory stuff. AND IT TOOK a lot of detective work to figure it out.

HOPE THIS HELPS -

[Justamom]

[QUOTE=Justamom]In my experience, traditional discipline simply doesn't work with my child. Is your son afraid of something in the bathroom? Monster in the toilet? ;) Afraid he'll get flushed? :confused: Look at the whole experience objectively. Where is he comfortable going poop? Why there and not the bathroom? My son is so frightened by the sound of some bathroom exhaust fans, he refuses to go in. He also is set off by the smell of peppermint. If mouthwash, or toothpaste is out where he can see it he'll hestitate to go in a bathroom. In our case most of it is sensory stuff. AND IT TOOK a lot of detective work to figure it out.

HOPE THIS HELPS -[/QUOTE]

[bwomack]

[QUOTE=crussell]We are having problems with finding a form of discipline that works, so far with everything we've tried, he doesn't seem to understand why he is being disciplined. He also refuses to poop in the toilet, and I really have run out of ideas to help him.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks[/QUOTE]


In my opinion, discipline is much more difficult for those of us with autistic children. Mainly because you have to somehow try and tell the difference between the autistic behaviors and the "just being a kid" behaviors. Not always an easy thing to do. Our kids have a sense of logic that is very difficult to understand. Their struggle to put order to their world is something we as parents may never understand completely. If your child absolutely refuses to stop doing something (even while your explaining the consequences) try letting him go and see where it takes him. You might be able to discover some of the compulsions that will drive him his whole life.

Also, autism causes such huge roadblocks for their ability to speak to others and to understand what is being said to them. It is a very real possibility that he truly doesn't understand why he is being punished.

Toilet training was very frustrating because many of the traditional tips and tricks just didn't work for my son. We finally discovered that for some reason going poop in his diaper was completely different for him then going in his underwear. So he never wore a diaper at home. We watched for all the tell tale signs that he needed to go we'd rush him to the toilet and have him sit for a while. After the first success, he saw what a big deal we made out of it and really enjoyed the attention. It was easier from that point but it still took about 3 or 4 weeks for him to be able to wear just his underwear all the time.

I really hope this helps. Good luck!

[crussell]

Thanks to all of you for your advice, it helps to have people to talk to that are going through or have gone through the same things.

[venicerose]

Potty training was very difficult with my son as well. I finally told him that I wasn't going to buy anymore pull-ups. I made sure he see me throw away what ones we had left. I put underwear on him and he NEVER refused to use the potty again. I couldn't believe how easy it was. He was using the diaper to be lazy and just not go.

When I tried this with my daughter, she did poop in her undewear..and I made her help clean up the mess. After two times of having to do this, she decided it was easier to use the potty.

Good luck!

[Joeysmom]

We also had a lot of trouble with toilet training, until now. One thing that helped was the gfcf diet, because it corrected his constipation. The next thing was just continuing to try and talk about it. From what I understand, it's a total sensory issue, so it just takes a while longer and they have to get that body awareness thing down first.

Now he goes - it's just lately that he's mastered it, at 4 years, 3 mos. He is HF, but I think mostly correcting the bowel problems helped. It doesn't hurt any longer to go, so it's easier for him. He has had terrible constipation up until now.

Good luck and don't give up - do you do the diet/ Aba? Sometimes I've heard of ABA therapists being able to help with this.

[hollierushby]

[QUOTE=crussell]We are having problems with finding a form of discipline that works, so far with everything we've tried, he doesn't seem to understand why he is being disciplined. He also refuses to poop in the toilet, and I really have run out of ideas to help him.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks[/QUOTE]

I work with austic childern on a day to day base in a school.
The best way to discipline chidren with austim is by using pecs this works by rewarding the good behaviour. All you need is plastic gems and a board and a sign saying there favorite activity or thing. such as soft play, giong to the park etc
Your child needs to work for it rewards such as choose time. For example
your child goes to the toliet
they eat something new
drink there water
they sit at the table with the family
they wash themselves
they get dressed themselves
they brush there teeth
etc
you give them a gem to put on the board

However if they do something wrong like make too much noise or hit out you take a gem away.

Its not easy to start with and you will find a lot of protesting when you take a gem away but in the long run it works. But processed with it and you will see the the postive reaction that you get.

The reason this works is because it is visual and the child can see how they are doing. Which means they can choose if they want to be good or bad.

Austic childern will not understand why? question never mind why you have to discipline them? but you can teach them what is right and wrong.

The best way this will work is "kiss" keep it short and simple for example:
childs name good girl/boy then gem
childs name bad girl/boy then lose gem

Try it you have nothing to lose and everyone can use it

:)