behavior

[nz2fj6]

Does anyone have problem with their autistic child grabbing peoples shirt collars? My adult son does this when he is wanting people to leave him alone or if he does not want to do something. Nothing we have tried has really worked. Was curious if any other parents had experienced anything like this. He is non-verbal but does understand and knows you don't want him to do this.

Mike

[AutMom]

[QUOTE=nz2fj6]Does anyone have problem with their autistic child grabbing peoples shirt collars? My adult son does this when he is wanting people to leave him alone or if he does not want to do something. Nothing we have tried has really worked. Was curious if any other parents had experienced anything like this. He is non-verbal but does understand and knows you don't want him to do this.

Mike[/QUOTE]

Is there some other way he can learn to communicate when he wants people to leave him alone or doesn't want to do something. My son is usually verbal, however he has cards he can use if he needs them. One says "overload" for example.

[nz2fj6]

He does have ways to communicate. The problem we run into is sometimes he can't have his way and he persists in grabbing collars because he has determined this gets his point across most effectively. Its funny, he's wanting to be left alone, but he is holding your collar and you can't leave him alone while he is doing that.

[AutMom]

[font=Comic Sans MS]When very upset, my son would tend to go for the glasses people wear:eek: , or whatever else he could grab and throw, like cellphones... Oh and sometimes he will say what he wants to do, like I want to throw this at you, and we can sometimes direct him to a better action.[/font]

[chris beck]

Have you tried not giving him what he wants when he does this? He might then give it up as he would think that he is not going to get his own way if he does that.

[julieanne]

I have a four year old who has been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, he will hit me,or his older brother who is 7yrs, usually slapping or kicking you if he gets frustrated or sometimes just because he wants to! It is quite waring and even though he uses visual cards to eleviate the frustration it still continues, is there anyone else out there with same or similar problem as you can feel you are on your own. also is obsessive with doors opening and shutting, flushing toilets and lightswitches. advice welcome!!!!

[AutMom]

[QUOTE=julieanne]I have a four year old who has been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, he will hit me,or his older brother who is 7yrs, usually slapping or kicking you if he gets frustrated or sometimes just because he wants to! It is quite waring and even though he uses visual cards to eleviate the frustration it still continues, is there anyone else out there with same or similar problem as you can feel you are on your own. also is obsessive with doors opening and shutting, flushing toilets and lightswitches. advice welcome!!!![/QUOTE]
Hi,
He hits because he wants to? Does he do it to get a reaction?
We've had to control our reactions to our son, since he is tempted to do things just to see a reaction.

Is there anything else he could learn to do when frustrated? Like squish a stress ball or something?

[Buttercup76]

Hello all,

I am having the same problem. Let me start with that I met this amazing man 8 months ago and fell deeply in love. I met his daughter about 2 months after we met and she is now 8 years old. She is autistic and a wonderful girl. We are working on combining our lives to get married and this includes me becoming a big part of her life. The biggest problem we have had is her hitting. Not just me, but all her teachers and other students and her mother. She won't hit her father, she seems to know better, but she gets so mad and will just haul off and hit everyone else. Her father has full custody of her because her mother could not take care of her. Her father gets so upset but is a patient man and we explain she can not hit and he will sit with her and make her apologize to me with tears running down her face and she's shaking so upset. I understand why she hits but need to break her of it. She gets so upset when she doesn't get her way and she communicates very little with words like "Calm down" and "You hurt". I know she wants to just say how mad she is and hitting is the only way she knows. He is doing well with her when she does it around him, but the biggest problem is school. We moved her so that maybe that would help to get some teachers more focused on her, but they can't get her to stop hitting. It happens at least once a day and more.

Any advice would help so much. Thanks.

[Maresa]

These children are often so filled with anxiety due to sensory issues that they often feel so overwhelmed and have no way to cope. Thus the hitting comes into play. It is hard for an autistic child to express and communicate how they are feeling, we often only know through their actions that they are overwhelmed. Sometimes their actions are misunderstood (very sad!) by well meaning teachers, and school personnel and they may be thought of as trouble makers, or the product of bad parenting.

My 6 year old daughter who is autistic will hit and attack us if she feels anxious about something. She has also attacked one of the aides at school this year (kicking, hitting and trying to bite her) because this aide told her in a stern voice that it was time to get off the computer! Caity, told her "No I stay on the computer" and the aide got mad at her and yelled. Since Caity cannot handle anyone yelling at her she became overwhelmed and went after this aide. The aide was so scared she didn't know how to calm Caity down so she called us. Luckily no one was seriously injured.

These children do not handle changes in routines as easily as normal kids do, thus you need other stratagies to control the behaviors. One thing that works well for us and we have implemented are transitional aids, and social stories. As for the transitional aids, they are quite easy and you can make them yourself. For example when Caity is on the computer we made her 3 colored circles like stop lights. One is Green and says "Go", One Yellow that says "almost time to stop" and a red one that says "Stop". We use each circle, and about 15 minutes before we want her to stop we replace the green with the yellow. This way she knows it is almost time, and she can prepare herself to break away. This method has worked wonders and it is so easy!

We also write social stories about the things we know bother her, and read them together. Social stories were invented by carol grey and are very helpful with autistic children. For younger children, you need to keep them simple as you want your child to understand the story. Caity, for example hated riding the school bus so we made one about going to school and the routine of getting on the bus. I had fun illustrating these myself too (I am an artist and writer) Caitlin had her social stories memorized by the first week and helped her better cope as she knew what to expect.

Caitlin, will sometimes hit and attack her older sisters, it is usually when they yell at her. (normal sibling rivalry) It trmendously helps to educate the siblings too (do not leave them out) about Autism and why their brother or sister react the way they do. Look for local resource groups in your area that offer sibling support for them. They really need it too, it is not easy being the sibling of someone with autism, and often they might feel that you pay more attention to and love the autitic child more than them. This instance can escalate the hard feelings and cause even MORE rivalry at home. Hope I was some help to you. Good Luck!

Maresa

[autimom]

good advice maresa, my daughter will also physically attack if you yell at her. sometimes it's just a way for a very bright child who can't communicate to work out frustration but for my daughter she's never aggressive unless you're too loud.