How To Explain Son's Autism to Him?

[cindyphouse]

My 9 year old son has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. My question is: How do I explain this to him in a way that he will be able to understand it? I guess I would like information from other parents as to how/when they explained it to their child and their experiences with this.

[AutMom]

Welcome to the group! There are also a few AS people here who could probably help.

[cmdennis]

I would like any advice as well. My son is !2 and he is very high functioning. A couple of weeks ago the subject of disabilities came up when we were talking and thinking that this was as good a time as any, I dove right in and told him he had a disability. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. I tried to explain it to him (in a couple of different ways) that his brain just processes information a little differently and some things are harder for him to learn or understand than for other people, such as what is appropriate to say or do in a social situation or make sense of another persons body language. I still think that he thinks that I am "making it up". Judging by the expression that was on his face at the time, I seriously believe that it has never occurred to him that he is any different than any other child in his class and that they all think in the same ways that he does. How do you get your child to understand their differences without changing their idea of who they are? He is who he is, with or without the label of autism and yet it is something that he is going to have to work with all his life and compensate for in some areas. I just want to give him every possible advantage available to him. Knowledge is supposed to empower isn't it?

[AutMom]

Welcome to the group cmdennis!

Just wanted to add that hopefully something positive can be included in the explanation, like there are usually some strengths (such as memory, organization, computer..etc.) along with disability. And also the fact that non disabled people can have weaknesses at many things. I'd say focus on it being a difference mostly.

[Kamex]

I cannot say how it is best to inform him of the problem, but I can tell you from personal experience that it is a very bad idea to try to hide the problem from the child. I grew up thinking that my tantrums were just because I was a bad person...

[ErieStudent]

I can't speak as a parent of a child with autism, but from a psychology point of view...children never realize they function differently from other children. They assume, naturally, all children act and think the same way they do. It isn't until they become 1) older and 2) more socialized that they start to realize they aren't just like everyone else (we're all very different people, after all).

It's perfectly natural that your son has a hard time accepting he has a disability, especially if it's never been a terrible hindrance to him. Like I said, at his age, all children think they're the same. I would tell you (again, speaking from psychology and not as a fellow parent) that it's great that you told him, to always stay honest and answer any questions he may have later, and just let him process it in his own time. Maybe in 2 years, when he starts to notice that he IS different from other kids, he'll be ready to talk and ask questions.

Knowledge does empower, when you're ready to understand it. Right now, it's just "words" to him.

[Momoffour]

My son is 10 (almost 11) with aspergers. He has pretty much always known he is different from other kids. He has been through alot with bullies picking on him for being the special guy that he is, and unable to comprehend the social skills needed to make and maintain friendships. He also knows that he "withdraws or zones out" as some call it.

The way I explained it to him was rather easy. Since I have to notify him prior to any changes in the daily plans, I had to tell him about going to the special doctor who just wants to talk. I just told him that I wanted to help him when he feels bad, and asked him if he liked the idea of finding out how to make friends easier. He was pleased with the latter suggestion so agreed to it.

Once we were done, I told him the thing that makes him the most awesome kid in the world is called aspergers. I explained to him that its aspergers that makes him not like all those icky kids that run around screaming and shouting and getting on our nerves. That all it means is that we have to work a little bit harder to deal with the bad things we dont like. I assured him that we would work on it together just like we have been, and that now that we have a name we can start tackling that friend thing! (Whenever I talk to him about his quirks I always say WE, never YOU, that way he knows we are in this together and he is not alone.)

[BeccaG]

My son was 9 when he was diagnosed too. Explaining his diagnosis was alot like how you talk to your kid about sex and other important stuff of life, it gets pictured as being all in one big rehearsed dose, but goes down best when you track for and seize the right moments to talk about what concerns HIM.
We talked with my son more about differences than about disablities. We noticed the advantages (like that awesome ability to FOCUS) as well as disadvantages. We used real words instead of clinical terms. And we adopted a few terms from our friends who we met in a forum a lot like this one, especially NT: Neuro-typical. For example: Ben would ask me, WHY did his sister pay SO much attention to that DOLL, its JUST a plastic THING! After trying to explain it (unsuccessfully) I finally just said "Its an NT thing, I'm not sure you will understand" and that he accepted happily.
Ben still really hates the language of disability and tollerates doing what we have to do to get necessary accomodations with chagrin. In a way it has been an impetus for him to be as self managing as he possibly can be, and I am very proud of how he's doing so far.
(Ask me how we're doing next September when he has left for College!) :eek: