Encouragement Needed - What Can I do for the Person I love?

[wbf]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]My name is Michelle and I just recently found out that the person that I have had an on/off relationship with for 4 years is autistic. What amazes me is that I did not know what autism was nor did I suspect he had autism. I just thought he did not care. I guess I am trying to understand what I can do for him because I won't leave him. I love him very much and have a strong faith in the Lord. I just need to speak to others who know more than me. I just found this out a couple of days ago. I am still in shock. He has withdrawn from me and I don't know how to reach him. I will just wait until he comes "out" but at the same time, I want him to understand or just know that I am here. Can anyone offer me any suggestions, advice, etc.[/FONT]

Michelle :)

[AutMom]

Hopefully others on the spectrum will post some replies.
Welcome to the group.

[laurie]

nothing should change because he now has a title, if you miss him call him up, do what you would have done had this not been brought to your attention, you obviously care a great deal for him so what has changed.? if you have spent time together he must care about you too, if he has withdrawn he must sense a change in you perhaps he is not comfortable with the change. where did you get the news from???? is it someone you can talk to about him and his past????did he tell you?
i hope you can get some answers and work this out i wish you luck.......laurie

[wbf]

Thanks Laurie for your respond...

You are right...nothing should change and I am trying really hard to be normal but I have a hard time NOT being maternal...I have always been maternal with him...trying to be there in anyway. He has withdrawn and I don't know what I said to trigger it...but like you said, he must sense something is different. He said that he is going through something but it has nothing to do with me...and I think I made it worst by saying that he has something to do with me...

Believe it or not, I prayed and asked the Lord to help me undertstand what was going on with him and he gave me my answer...I will explain how...I did not know whether he had found someone or he just did not want to be bothered (I live in NC...he lives in NY). Anyway, my mother and I were watching T.V. last week and there was an autistic girl on the show. I asked my mother why was she acting that way and my mother explained to me that she was autistic...well, something had me ask her what was that and my mother explained to me (my mother used to ride autistic children to school a long time ago and I so happened to be with her when I was a little girl) anyway, I went outside and it came in my spirit...that he was autistic. That was nothing but God...because for 4 years I could not figure out why he treated me the way he did...

I have tried to talk to his best friend from his childhood about the situation but he does not offer me any help. He just told me to say what I feel and don't hold back...

I did confront him but in a way that he did not feel threatened...I asked him to teach me about autism...and he opened up but i have been sending him im messages for 3 days with no response. I have not asked him anything but just wanted him to know that I will learn from what he teaches me and I would reeducate myself to understand him...words of encouragement...I also told him that I love him and described what that love felt like. Truth be told...I was meant to meet him...I feel that God has placed us together and with Faith, Love and Hope...I hope that he feels safe with me again.

Thanks!


[QUOTE=laurie]nothing should change because he now has a title, if you miss him call him up, do what you would have done had this not been brought to your attention, you obviously care a great deal for him so what has changed.? if you have spent time together he must care about you too, if he has withdrawn he must sense a change in you perhaps he is not comfortable with the change. where did you get the news from???? is it someone you can talk to about him and his past????did he tell you?
i hope you can get some answers and work this out i wish you luck.......laurie[/QUOTE]

[laurie]

I f it is GODS way to place you together then you have that hope,something to hold on to ,I t is possible he feels a bit embarassed that you know about his autism, and maby even a little suspicious as to who might of told you .I wish you lots of luck keep your faith and im sure he will come back in time as long as you are waiting, he needs some time too, after all he has been dealing with this on his own for so long and now he has to learn how to share it with someone else, goodluck and keep in touch this is a great place to talk.....laurie

[wbf]

I thank you Laurie for those words of encouragement! I was feeling really down for the last couple of days...but I feel MUCH better...I just needed to renew my faith, pray and have support from people like you. He will come back around...I must remember that its all about him right now and his level of feeling safe and comfortable. I do feel that the Lord has placed us together for a reason...and that really is the feeling I have within. I think deep down inside he knows that I love him and I will ALWAYS be here for him...no matter what. Thanks Again!


[QUOTE=laurie]I f it is GODS way to place you together then you have that hope,something to hold on to ,I t is possible he feels a bit embarassed that you know about his autism, and maby even a little suspicious as to who might of told you .I wish you lots of luck keep your faith and im sure he will come back in time as long as you are waiting, he needs some time too, after all he has been dealing with this on his own for so long and now he has to learn how to share it with someone else, goodluck and keep in touch this is a great place to talk.....laurie[/QUOTE]

[laurie]

I am so glad you are feeling better, sometimes just talking to someone helps, I will pray for you both that you will find your way back to each other,he must be quite a person to have you love him so much , you sound like a lovely lady and he must know how lucky he, is perhaps this is a test to see if someone as wonderful as you will go away or stick around. I know many men who dont believe they deserve people like yourself, and so they test them, I believe you will succeed in all you wish for, once again please stay in touch and if you ever need to talk you know we are here.......laurie

[wbf]

THANKS LAURIE! YOU HAVE BEEN A BLESSING TO ME!!! I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED AND STAY IN TOUCH!!! :D :)


[QUOTE=laurie]I am so glad you are feeling better, sometimes just talking to someone helps, I will pray for you both that you will find your way back to each other,he must be quite a person to have you love him so much , you sound like a lovely lady and he must know how lucky he, is perhaps this is a test to see if someone as wonderful as you will go away or stick around. I know many men who dont believe they deserve people like yourself, and so they test them, I believe you will succeed in all you wish for, once again please stay in touch and if you ever need to talk you know we are here.......laurie[/QUOTE]

[Bethintx]

I reccommend reading two books written by an autistic woman who found out she was autistic as an adult called "Nobody Nowhere" and its sequel "Somebody Somewhere".
It's insightful on the autistics point of view. I learned a lot from them. (sorry I can't remember the author's name)

Bethintx

[AutMom]

[QUOTE=Bethintx]I reccommend reading two books written by an autistic woman who found out she was autistic as an adult called "Nobody Nowhere" and its sequel "Somebody Somewhere".
It's insightful on the autistics point of view. I learned a lot from them. (sorry I can't remember the [color=blue]author's name[/color])

Bethintx[/QUOTE]

[color=blue]Donna Williams[/color]